What is Love?

If you were to get your definition of love from the movies, or TV, or even novels, you might believe that love is only what makes you feel good about yourself and your place in the world. Love is a warm hug, or according to Disney an open door. Love only affirms, it never questions, and it certainly never makes you feel doubt in yourself. The only thing we need is love. But, is this the Biblical definition of love? Is this the love that God intends for us? Is this how God shows love?

“For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.” It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.” – Hebrews 12:3-13

Does this sound like the definition of love that the world offers us? A disciplinarian? A Father who reproves His children? What about this:

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. – Matthew 18:15-18

Does that sound like love? Confronting someone over and over again when you see them sinning? To the point of bringing that person’s sin out publicly if they refuse to stop?

The thing is, this is love. Discipline, admonishment, reproof, these are things you do for the people you love BECAUSE you love them. I discipline my son so that he will learn how to be a good person, kindhearted, caring, and selfless. These are not attributes we are born with, we have to be taught. Part of teaching is admonishing someone when they have done something wrong.

“For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.” – Proverbs 3:12

“He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” – Proverbs 13:24

“A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.” – Proverbs 13:1

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” – 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Love isn’t watching someone run headlong into destruction. Love isn’t just trying to get along when someone is behaving badly and ruining their witness. Love is coming along side that person and letting them know that what they are doing is wrong. Love is sometimes making someone uncomfortable because a little discomfort now is better than some consequences they could be facing later. Love IS discipline.

“But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.” 1 Corinthians 6:11-13

It seems like everyone, even nonbelievers, know the verses about “do not judge lest ye be judged” but very few know this verse in 1 Corinthians about judging those within the church. Remember, all scripture is good for reproof. Who are we reproving if not other christians?

“If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” – Matthew 5:30

It is better to lose parts of your body then your whole body in hell. It is better to confront one another in love, and be uncomfortable for a time, than to placate a brother or sister in Christ who is falling away from sound teaching. Remember that parable about the sheep who strays? My pastor brought this up last Sunday:

““What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray. So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” – Matthew 18:12-14

That sheep wasn’t an unbeliever, that was a believer who had gone astray. You can’t go astray if you aren’t part of the flock. Love isn’t just accepting that person’s life choices. Love is confronting that person and trying to bring them back to the fold. Yes, after you try privately, then with witnesses, then with the whole church, you have to let that person go. Still, you don’t let them go without that fight. That fight, that confrontation, that is LOVE.

What is love? It’s not just someone who affirms all of my choices no matter what. It’s not someone who will ignore all my bad qualities, or someone who accepts me as I am. Love is someone who is willing to confront me when I have gone astray. Love is a Heavenly Father who lets me experience trials so that I may learn endurance. Love is discipline, admonishment, and reproof. Love is a verb, not a feeling, and to be a verb it has to involve action. Don’t let the world tell you what love is, because it really doesn’t know pure love, God’s love. Next time someone tells you that Christians aren’t practicing love, ask them to define what love is, because I bet you they don’t know that love sometimes includes loving someone enough to tell them they are wrong.