Maybe You Should Calm Down

“for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” – James 1:20

There is a lot of anger out there these days. You can’t turn on the TV, listen to the radio, or open anything online, without seeing that someone is rioting, or picketing, or boycotting, or screaming at the sky over something. Anger is spreading like a wild fire and there doesn’t seem to be anyone willing to do anything about it. If you listen to the people raging online you would see that they are under the impression this is is a righteous anger. This anger is for justice. While Christ did give us an example of righteous anger, do we as fallen humans have that capability? Are we called to righteous anger, or is James right here, that the anger of humans does not achieve the righteousness of God? Let’s take it to the Bible to find out.

“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Ephesians 4:26-27

Here we are given the impression that it IS possible to be angry without sinning, but what does that look like? Well, lets look at this verse in context, since context is key:

“Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:26-32

In context we can now see that being angry but without sin actually takes a lot of work on the part of the angered party. We aren’t to sin in return “he who steals must steal no longer”, and that we are to let no unwholesome word proceed from our mouths. The words we speak are supposed to edify, according to what is needed, and give GRACE to those who hear. This, doesn’t sound like the anger I’m seeing in the news. Furthermore, we are to let go of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander. If we did that, Twitter would suddenly go silent.

Righteous anger, anger without sinning, takes a lot of self control. What else does the Bible say about anger?

“Cease from anger and forsake wrath;Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.” Psalms 37:8

Well, that’s fairly self explanatory.

“He who is slow to anger has great understanding, But he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. A tranquil heart is life to the body, But passion is rottenness to the bones.” Proverbs 14:29-30

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” James 1:19

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.” Ecclesiastes 7:9

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

I don’t know about you, but I’m seeing a theme developing here. The Bible is pretty specific that we need to be slow to anger, quick to listen, and to meet confrontation with grace and patience.

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11

It would seem that what we are seeing is an awful lot of fools giving vent to their anger. I am certainly among them! I’m not casting stones here, as this study is for ME. Writing it out merely helps me put thoughts into action. It seems like everyone wants “justice” but by “justice” they really mean “vengeance”.

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”” Romans 12:19

Okay, so if we are not supposed to avenge ourselves, if we are not supposed to get angry, what SHOULD we do?

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9

Ever try that exercise where you mention you never see any blue cars to a friend and the next thing you know you and your friend are seeing blue cars everywhere? That’s because we only tend to see what we are looking for. If you are looking for negativity (cough cough racism, microaggressions cough) then all you are ever going to see is negativity. If you want to make a change in the world the first person you should start with is yourself. You have to take control of your own mind and your own perspective in order to start seeing the good that is there.

“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5

Anger isn’t good for your health. It isn’t good for your soul. Anger is a raging fire that will consume everything and everyone in your life and accomplish nothing.

We need to let go.

We need to calm down. All of us.

Grief, Miscarriage, and Doctors

I’ve been rather MIA lately. That’s because I found out I was pregnant, and I was so excited I was afraid I would spill the beans before the second trimester.

There is a reason women wait until the second trimester. I now know why.

Blighted Ovum, it’s called. It’s a rather fancy name for a miscarriage. It actually makes up about 50% of miscarriages.  My doctor explained it as, there is no embryo.  She said there was never any baby. There was a pregnancy, everything else was there, but the baby was missing.

The thing is, after much research, that isn’t quite the case.

There was something, at first.

There was a sperm, and there was an egg, and they did join and create a yolk sack and symptoms and everything. It’s not that there wasn’t a baby, it’s just that the chromosomes didn’t work out, and what resulted couldn’t be carried to term.

This was when I realized that, next time (and trust me, there will be a next time), next time I want a pro-life doctor.

It’s not that I feel everyone needs a pro-life doctor.

It’s just that, I’m pro-life, and I need someone who shares my views.  If you are pro-choice, then you need a pro-choice doctor.  This is because when the worst happens.  When you are told that you are at the beginning stages of a miscarriage, you need someone who can comfort you.

My doctor tried.

She really did!

I know that, for her, saying it was never a baby was comforting. For her, for someone who is pro-choice, this concept is incredibly comforting.  I can see that, even in my grief.

However, that isn’t my belief system.

For me what was comforting was reading an article about blighted ovum.  The author said, “This is a loss.  You should allow yourself to grieve.”

For me this was comforting. Because for me, this was a loss.  This was devastating.  We were SO excited.  We even moved the house around, to  make room for the baby.  For me, I do need to grieve.  This wasn’t all fake. This wasn’t in my head.  My body went through real changes.  For eight weeks, I was pregnant.  Now, I’m not.  Even though I didn’t need it, I needed permission to grieve.

This is why, next time, I need to find a doctor who shares my views.  It’s not that my current doctor didn’t try.  It’s not that she is a bad person. She comforted me as best she could. She tried to make it easier.  However, when you don’t share the same views… you just don’t know what kind of comfort that person needed.

I needed to hear that I lost a baby. A real baby. I needed to hear that it is okay to feel sad.  I needed to hear that it is okay to be very upset, because I am. I am very, very upset.

My husband and I will try again.

The doctor was very encouraging. She said everything was healthy.  From my reading I have learned that this usually happens only once.  That I have NO reason not to believe that we can have a successful pregnancy.  I am hopeful.  I really am. Even while I’m in the middle of a terrible tragedy.

I’m just a little wiser now.  I really know now why people don’t tell until the second trimester. I’ve known loss… just not like this.

It won’t keep me down forever though.  I promise. I just really need my time to grieve.