Do you know what they call a pregnancy that happens shortly after a miscarriage? They call that a rainbow baby. It’s like the rainbow after the storm, the storm (the tears). I am uncertain if you have to wait until the baby is born for that title or not, but I stumbled across this term recently because, after my last post about my miscarriage, I learned a couple months after that I was pregnant again.
I’m now into my second trimester, about four months along, and within the “safe zone” of talking about everything.
Getting pregnant after a miscarriage feels a lot more complicated.
The first time you get pregnant you are elated. You want to share the news with the world instantly. We even sent photos of that little pink stick and its “Yes” with the family. This time around, there was a lot of trepidation. A miscarriage is a loss, plain and simple, and along with that loss comes a lot of disappointment and grief, no matter when it happens. I saw the pink “yes” this time and my first thought, as much as I hated it, was, “Don’t get your hopes up.”
That first trimester was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Of course I was still excited, but I was also extremely scared that it would result in more disappointment and pain and I just wasn’t willing to let myself hope. We told only our parents, and mostly because I was going to be visiting mine and denying my usual glass of wine so I figured they’d guess right away anyway. We honestly weren’t going to tell anyone else until the second trimester, but some friends came to visit and figured it out.
They were wonderful because they told me that, while they understand not wanting to have to tell EVERYONE about a miscarriage, they really care about us and they want to be there for us. They both felt that any good friend would want to know right away so they can rejoice with you, and so they can mourn with you if anything should happen. They said I should never have to go through all that alone. Nearly had me crying into my Sunday brunch, but I’m very glad they did.
Now I’m in the second trimester and while I certainly let out a huge sigh of relief, not even realizing I had been holding my breathe (metaphorically) for 13 weeks, I also realized that my trepidation won’t go away completely.
I’m much more excited now, don’t get me wrong. Once we got into the second trimester I was much more willing to talk baby names, and think about baby supplies (not purchase but think about), all the things I started to do way too early last time. There is still just a small part of me that anxiously waits for the next appointment so I can hear that the heartbeat is still there and still going strong. I’m not sure if that will go away.
The ultrasound lady (I should know her name but I don’t) told me that those fears don’t go away, even after the baby is born. You just have a whole new set of worries.
Becoming a parent, even while the baby is still incubating, is a pretty scary business. I’m very thankful for all of the love and support we have through friends and family. I don’t know how I’d get through any of this without them. I really hope that anyone who stumbles across my blog learns that it is okay to share both the joy of pregnancy, and the pain of miscarriage. There is an old proverb I once read on a Good Earth tea bag, because lots of my wisdom comes from random places. It says, “Shared joy is double joy, and shared sorrow half sorrow.” Maybe I shared this when I wrote about my miscarriage last November. I honestly don’t remember. However, I can certainly say that when I shared my sorrow my friends and family shared it with me and that definitely helped to cut that grief in half. I am also very thankful to be able to share my joy, and to see that joy double even through all my fears because it is shared by those I care about.
Thank you everyone, for helping me to allow myself to hope and to double my joy about this new baby. There’s been a lot of tears, but this time it is all happy tears I promise.
Training to be Batgirl 